You are hereWcP.Humor's blog
50 Jokes for 50 US States (part i): Alabaman headlines, Alaska nights, catching rabbits in California, and more...
What's the state of the states of the union? Let's see ... New Yorkers mock Southern drawls. Southerners don't cotton to West Coast hippies, who in turn can't understand why Midwesterners live so far from the ocean breeze. And Midwesterners? They wonder who could survive New York-the city that never sleeps. Yes, the U.S.A. is one big, happy dysfunctional family. And to prove there are no hard feelings, every state gets a handpicked potshot all its own.
When a visitor to a town in Alabama spotted a dog attacking a boy, he grabbed the animal and throttled it with his bare hands. An impressed reporter saw the incident and told him the next day's headline would scream "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."
"I'm not from this town," said the hero.
"Then," the reporter said, "it will say 'Alabama Man Saves Child by Killing Dog.'"
"Actually," said the man, "I'm from New Hampshire."
"In that case," the reporter grumbled, "the headline will be 'Yankee Kills Family Pet.'"
An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, "Where were you on the night of October to April?"
It's so hot in Arizona, cows are giving evaporated milk and the trees are whistling for dogs.
An Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40.
He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver asks, "'Bout what?"
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the FBI, and the CIA want to see who is best at catching perps. So a rabbit is released into the forest, and each of them has to catch it. read more »
Photos: ox born ahead of Valentine's Day with heart-shaped birthmark, faithful geese couple, baby zebra & mother
A pair of Andean geese, George and Mildred, smooching like young Valentines despite being together for eight years and rearing 40 goslings.
The ox 'Heart', having a heart-shaped marking on his forehead, relaxes at Yamakun Farm in Yokohama, Japan. Born in the year of the ox and ahead of Valentine's Day, the ox has drawn attention from around the country.
The baby Grant's zebra was born on Jan. 26 and is Peru's fourth ever born in captivity as part of a preservation program. The foal's name will be chosen in a special competition
Estranged couple saws house - man moves half to parents' place, wife lives in precariously perched, upright half
Cambodian wedding ceremonies are blissful and beautiful affairs. However, the country's convoluted - and probably costly - divorce process has knocked a simple and efficient solution into the mind of an estranged Cambodian couple on how to separate marital assets easily and equally, including dividing a house into two halves. Literally.
A Cambodian couple who separated after 40 years of marriage may have taken things too literally when it came to splitting their assets: the husband cut the house in two. "It is the strangest thing I've ever seen," said May Titthara, who wrote about the case for The Phnom Penh Post, an English-language newspaper in the Cambodian capital. "People there never saw this happen in a divorce. It is very interesting for them."
Moeun Rim and his wife, Nhanh, split the building following an argument. Mr Rim has removed his share of the property and the couple have also divided their land into four parts; two for their children, and two for them. Divorce cases in Cambodia can be costly and may take a long time to settle. read more »
Nature & wildlife photos: puffin touchdown, panda examines bday cake, polar bear cub peeks out from mother's arms
(above) Norway - Bright beaks and feet signal the breeding season for Atlantic puffins on Hornoya Island. The birds’ colors dull for winter. Puffins in summer and winter coloration look so different they were once thought different species.
(left) Among cities, San Diego may be the most animal-centric. Animals at the zoo and SeaWorld have names, constituencies and birthday parties. So when Zhen Zhen, a giant panda at the San Diego Zoo, turned 1 year old on Sunday, she celebrated with a jumbo-sized birthday cake: a honey-glazed exterior, stuffed inside with fruit, vegetables and bamboo. Sister Su Lin turned three a few days earlier, with a similar fest. For pandaphiles, Zhen Zhen is now 45 pounds and is approaching the day of independence from her mother, Bai Yun. Su Lin is about two years away from potential motherhood.
President Kennedy feeding a deer. Next morning wonders why no toast at breakfast, told he fed entire supply to deer
This card, from the US Senate-hopeful, read: "In this season of Joy, the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum thanks you for your friendship and good will and we wish you a year of peace and happiness."
In the photo, President Kennedy fed bread to a deer in Lassen National Park, Calif., in September 1963. The next morning when the president asked why there was no toast with his breakfast, he was told he had fed the entire supply to the deer.
Photos courtesy of Cecil Stoughton
Original Source: Boston Globe
Cartoons: Noah’s Ark - recession edition, Christmassy profit chart, Obama’s senate seat for bail-bonds, & more...
Images courtesy of John Klossner, Mike Peters / Dayton Daily News / King Features Syndicate, P.C. Vey, humor-in-photos-and-pictures.blogspot.com, Nick Anderson / Houston Chronicle, Hajo / CWS, and Riber / Cagle Cartoons
Humor - updated stock market & business terms: Value Investing - art of buying low & selling lower. And more...
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought
Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
(unquote) read more »
Browse other gifts from Zazzle.